Truer Than Feelings

This blog post was written several years ago, before I (Kinara) was married. It started as a memo-to-self, a guidepost to re-read when my flesh was weak and I doubted God's provision. I'm including it here in hopes that it will be helpful to those still in the trenches of single life. I confess that it's not so polished as I would like, but its roughness and incompletion reflect the season I was in as I wrote it.  

Let’s talk about my will versus God’s will in the matter of dating and marriage. Does God “help those who help themselves?” Should I make myself available and attractive? Should I choose someone in my heart and then ask God to pull the strings? Here’s what I know to be eternally true- true beyond my feelings, experience, and perspective:

My heart is desperately wicked (Jer. 17:9).

I don’t even know what to pray for (Rom. 8:26).

I am by nature controlling, demanding, manipulative (Gen. 3:16).

My perspective is severely limited (Is. 55:9).

I act impulsively based on unholy desires (Eph. 2:1-3).

I am prone to wander (Rom. 7:19).

God knows what is good for me and makes it happen (Rom. 8:28).

God knows me better than I know myself (Ps. 139:13).

God knows the other person’s heart and trajectory (1 Kings 8:39, 1 Sam. 16:7).

God’s will for me is beautiful, his gifts are perfect, and his love is without end (Jer. 29:11-14, Jam. 1:17, Matt. 28:20).

God delights in giving me the things I want and need (Matt. 7:11).

God prioritizes my holiness above my happiness (1 Peter 1:6-7).  

God is eternally faithful (Lam. 3:22-23).

Though I may be rejected by men, God still calls me chosen and precious (1 Peter 2:4-5).

Why, why, why would I want to be at the helm of my love life? God is the vessel that carries me through all circumstances. It is God who has given me a rudder and a compass, God who points me home. When confusion and heartache cloud the way, it is God whose breath clears the horizon, God who calms the waves, God who lands me safely ashore, God who welcomes me on the other side.

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-written by Kinara F.